Saturday, July 17, 2004
Meet me at the back of the blue bus
We moved from the Old Coach & Horses to an estate pub only a few miles away in Strood, Kent (I'll talk more about that place a little later), before uprooting and moving away from the area to the greener pastures of Royal Tunbridge Wells. The new pub (The Greyhound), was another old coach house of around the same era, only this time set in a more affluent area. I guess I must have been around thirteen, I joined a new school in the third year, a catholic comprehensive which was mixed sex!!! How the hell did they expect me to concentrate on school work after sticking me in a same sex school for the last two years? I became completely obsessed with the opposite sex but lacked the confidence to do anything about it other than fantasize.
We were picked up from right outside our front door by the blue bus to school. It was an old double decker with a real dodgy paint job, as if done by a bunch of kids on day release. The driver was a drunk, which meant that he either completely ignored whatever we got up to for fear of being found out or he just wouldn't turn up!. He'd hardly ever speak, hoping to disguise his stale ale breath with muteness. There were maybe twenty or so kids that would get on the blue bus along the route to school, some were ok, some were real knobs, but all in all we got on. There was of course a pecking order to the seating arrangements on the bus, the older you were the higher the rank, those of the highest year using the bus would take the back seat and those of lower years accepted by the 'elders' would clamber for the seats nearest to them, as if being seen chatting and laughing with an older kid made you cool?
Oh how wrong we see things when we know nothing! Our teenage interpretation of what is cool and what is not is based on social standing, if it made us more desirable then it was cool. We were developing sexual awareness, and a need to feel desired. However, we were learning about sex, and no matter how much we thought we knew at the time, we knew nothing! God how I wish I knew then what I know now, I'd have spent a lot less time thinking about sex and a lot more time pursueing it for a start!
I remember being asked out for the first time when I was thirteen, Well I say the first time but I guess I mean the first time it had been serious. I'd had various kiddy girlfriends through primary school years, one of these relationships, when I look back was kind of x rated. A slightly older friend had a partially converted loft which we were allowed to play in and more importantly a sister my age. She would bring her friend round and we'd disappear out of sight into the loft to........'get it on' kiddy style. We'd show our bits, dare to touch, and kiss. We used to strip and lay on top of the girls, we had no idea what we were doing nor why we quite liked doing it, not surprising since we were probably 8 years old.
I was playing on the far side of the green outside our pub and I saw her approaching from the beer garden. Her name was Annabelle, her hair was long and blonde with a slight waveness to it. She was around my height, very slim and a little bit hippy. Her elder sisters had been working in the pub for my parents and she'd often ride our horse at shows for us. At the far side of the green there was a huge open pit full of mature trees whose tops emergered only a few metres above the level of the green. We'd been playing here amongst the tree tops when I spied her, I knew something was up, I had a mixed feeling of intrigue and dread as she crossed the green to where I now crouched, hidden by branches lush with leaves. The kids I had been playing with either drifted off or hid themselves within earshot. Rosey cheeked she confidently said "I have something to ask you..............where are you?" I was scared shitlesss, sitting just a few feet from her obscured from view by branches. My confidence had deserted me, "err..... hi, yeah......err what's up? "will you go out with me?" I was horrified! I wasn't ready for this, I stayed embarrassingly silent for what seemed like an eternity, I wanted to say "YES!" come out from my refuge, take her in my arms and kiss her full on the lips just like in a movie,.....but I couldn't. She waited patiently for me, "are you still there?" "err yeah" shit, fuck, damn and blast!! I sound ridiculous! "Well, will you?" I summoned every ounce of courage that hadn't already abandoned me and mumbled "yes" I gradually scrambled out into the open like a wild animal weary of another keeping a safe distance. We sat through a half an hour of silence, I was praying that one of us would speak, a hundred things to say ran through my mind and each in turn were dismissed as either too embarrassing, too stupid or too corny. I can't recall what happened next but unbelievably we made it through the day and through many more there after, well a summers worth anyway!
We were picked up from right outside our front door by the blue bus to school. It was an old double decker with a real dodgy paint job, as if done by a bunch of kids on day release. The driver was a drunk, which meant that he either completely ignored whatever we got up to for fear of being found out or he just wouldn't turn up!. He'd hardly ever speak, hoping to disguise his stale ale breath with muteness. There were maybe twenty or so kids that would get on the blue bus along the route to school, some were ok, some were real knobs, but all in all we got on. There was of course a pecking order to the seating arrangements on the bus, the older you were the higher the rank, those of the highest year using the bus would take the back seat and those of lower years accepted by the 'elders' would clamber for the seats nearest to them, as if being seen chatting and laughing with an older kid made you cool?
Oh how wrong we see things when we know nothing! Our teenage interpretation of what is cool and what is not is based on social standing, if it made us more desirable then it was cool. We were developing sexual awareness, and a need to feel desired. However, we were learning about sex, and no matter how much we thought we knew at the time, we knew nothing! God how I wish I knew then what I know now, I'd have spent a lot less time thinking about sex and a lot more time pursueing it for a start!
I remember being asked out for the first time when I was thirteen, Well I say the first time but I guess I mean the first time it had been serious. I'd had various kiddy girlfriends through primary school years, one of these relationships, when I look back was kind of x rated. A slightly older friend had a partially converted loft which we were allowed to play in and more importantly a sister my age. She would bring her friend round and we'd disappear out of sight into the loft to........'get it on' kiddy style. We'd show our bits, dare to touch, and kiss. We used to strip and lay on top of the girls, we had no idea what we were doing nor why we quite liked doing it, not surprising since we were probably 8 years old.
I was playing on the far side of the green outside our pub and I saw her approaching from the beer garden. Her name was Annabelle, her hair was long and blonde with a slight waveness to it. She was around my height, very slim and a little bit hippy. Her elder sisters had been working in the pub for my parents and she'd often ride our horse at shows for us. At the far side of the green there was a huge open pit full of mature trees whose tops emergered only a few metres above the level of the green. We'd been playing here amongst the tree tops when I spied her, I knew something was up, I had a mixed feeling of intrigue and dread as she crossed the green to where I now crouched, hidden by branches lush with leaves. The kids I had been playing with either drifted off or hid themselves within earshot. Rosey cheeked she confidently said "I have something to ask you..............where are you?" I was scared shitlesss, sitting just a few feet from her obscured from view by branches. My confidence had deserted me, "err..... hi, yeah......err what's up? "will you go out with me?" I was horrified! I wasn't ready for this, I stayed embarrassingly silent for what seemed like an eternity, I wanted to say "YES!" come out from my refuge, take her in my arms and kiss her full on the lips just like in a movie,.....but I couldn't. She waited patiently for me, "are you still there?" "err yeah" shit, fuck, damn and blast!! I sound ridiculous! "Well, will you?" I summoned every ounce of courage that hadn't already abandoned me and mumbled "yes" I gradually scrambled out into the open like a wild animal weary of another keeping a safe distance. We sat through a half an hour of silence, I was praying that one of us would speak, a hundred things to say ran through my mind and each in turn were dismissed as either too embarrassing, too stupid or too corny. I can't recall what happened next but unbelievably we made it through the day and through many more there after, well a summers worth anyway!
The back of the blue bus, was the scene of many a flirtatious journey. I would often while away the early morning and late afternoon's playing out not so innocent fantasies in my mind with the various female passengers that would occupy the seats near the rear of the bus. I would invite them into my imagination where I'd talk to them, look at them, touch and kiss them with the confidence I lacked in reality. Somedays I would almost miss my stop, deep in thought, somewhere locked in a romantic embrace. I would have my favorites which I would invite most often, into my mind, beyond the barriers imposed by a lack of self confidence. Free to express myself without embarrassment, without being stuck for words, without fear of being ridiculed and laughed at. My imagination at this age was flourishing, it was my refuge where I could escape the hold of my inhibitions and explore the world free of fear.
// posted by nx @ 10:44 AM 
Comments:
<< Home
well, nx, at least you had members of the opposite sex around...i had all girl neighbors and all girl cousins and we all had to play 'doctor' together. which might be why i went so totally boy crazy at a relatively young age....hmmm
Post a Comment
<< Home
