Saturday, August 07, 2004
A trip to hell and back - White Lightning - part three
We made it to the squat, in through a broken panel in the back door. The squat was within a row of derelict condemned houses, over grown gardens and boarded up windows. We'd been hanging out here off and on during the winter months and had stored a few provisions, bottles of water, box of fire lighters etc. The back door led into what was once a tiny kitchen which in turn led through a half glazed door to the lounge with access to the upstairs. Scattered around the lounge were old mattress' , cushions and blankets. I don't know much about what happened when we got to the squat, I came to an hour or so later. I remember two things from our time there, one of which was too real and too disturbing for my liking. Firstly I was on my back on the floor, the smell of petrol filled my nostrils and an inner alarm brought me from wherever I was to somewhere near reality, I knew I had to get up, I could not see, I could not sense anyone else in the room, I could only smell petrol! I had to get out of wherever I was, something was wrong, why can't I see?!
I clumsily scrambled around on the floor feeling for anything that would help me make sense of the situation I'd gotten myself into, I noticed a very dimly lit fireplace, I could see, it was dark. The relief spurred me on, it kind of let my mind move up another level of control and awareness I looked around me once again and this time I made a little more sense of my surroundings. There was a box of fire lighters which had been ripped to pieces its contents scattered everywhere, so that was the smell of petrol, danger over, I felt myself relax, I felt myself slip back, my body lay back but in my mind I was still sitting up, as soon as I noticed this my mind copied and lay back into ....myself.
I lay there bemused, trying to make sense of what was going on, I remembered my friends, McDonald's, ACID! Shit, that's where I was, I was tripping.........I noticed above me a frosted glass panel, I was lying with my head under the door leading to the kitchen looking up at it from the floor, the glass cracked , and then again. I was aware of myself lying under the door, I was aware that the cracking glass was above me, I was aware that what I was seeing was not real. I watched the glass more intently, I made it crack again and again, shards of glass started to fall from above me as I watched, I froze the falling glass, I rewound it watching it fit back perfectly into the panel, and then again I cracked it, I watched it fall. Dagger like pieces of glass fell down upon me, I watched knowing it not to be real, until one large pointed piece fell to my stomach and impaled itself deep into my belly! The pain was immense, I doubled over clutching my stomach, hot sticky blood poured through my fingers, I threw up.
I came round a little while later and my first thought was to my wound, it didn't exist, there was nothing there, I looked up to the glass panel, intact and in place within the door. I slowly got to my feet and stumbled through the door, A light shone through the kitchen window hurting my eyes, I heard talking. Outside were my friends, they looked pissed off with me, "are you gonna behave now Nick?"
........................."What d'ya mean? what's going on?"
"Fuck, you don't remember a thing do you?!"
"remember what?"
"You fucking attacked me!"
"what?!?"
"we got here, started making a spliff and you pulled out your flick knife"
my knife? I felt in my pocket where it had been, it was gone. It was a pocket side opening flick knife, its handle made encased in green glass with a golden dragon embedded within it.
"I had to hit you man, I threw the knife into that bunch of nettles over there, then you started going beserk, throwing things around, you ripped up the box of fire lighters and smashed a bottle before you passed out!"
I felt so confused, some of what he was saying made sense of what little I remembered, the rest I knew nothing about, my mind was a blank.
"Listen mate, we're off, we didn't know what to do with you, you've thrown up everywhere! We nearly left you here"
"fuck" that was about all I could say, all I could think.
"I got to get home man"
I could not make sense of where I was, where I lived, what day it was, what time it was. There was a vague light from a street light overhanging the rear of the house.
"C'mon, I'll walk you round to the taxi rank if you want?"
"Ok, thanks"
I felt so ill, I felt cold and dirty and all I could smell was the firelighters I'd crushed in my hands. I got to the taxi and somehow managed to tell the driver where I lived. The journey was quite short, maybe ten minutes or so. Leading to the hotel where I lived was a lane splitting a woods whose trees reached across, finger like branches entwined above forming a living tunnel. At the far end I could see home, safety. The driver dropped me here at the main road, somehow I'd managed to give him enough money to satisfy his fare. I stood and looked through the dark tunnel for a while before starting the walk, slowly, noises all around me in the woods brought my senses to life, the hair on my arms and the back of my neck stood up, I was really getting freaked out. I looked ahead, "concentrate on the light at the end" I thought. At the half way point I'd had enough and bolted for the front door, the noises around me seemed to grow louder and louder as if I was being chased.
I reached the door, it was open.
I went inside and turned and bolted the door, I was in the porch entrance which lead to the lobby. I sat down and tried to get a grip of my runaway mind. "I'm tripping, it's the acid, it's all in my mind, I can control this!"
I clumsily scrambled around on the floor feeling for anything that would help me make sense of the situation I'd gotten myself into, I noticed a very dimly lit fireplace, I could see, it was dark. The relief spurred me on, it kind of let my mind move up another level of control and awareness I looked around me once again and this time I made a little more sense of my surroundings. There was a box of fire lighters which had been ripped to pieces its contents scattered everywhere, so that was the smell of petrol, danger over, I felt myself relax, I felt myself slip back, my body lay back but in my mind I was still sitting up, as soon as I noticed this my mind copied and lay back into ....myself.
I lay there bemused, trying to make sense of what was going on, I remembered my friends, McDonald's, ACID! Shit, that's where I was, I was tripping.........I noticed above me a frosted glass panel, I was lying with my head under the door leading to the kitchen looking up at it from the floor, the glass cracked , and then again. I was aware of myself lying under the door, I was aware that the cracking glass was above me, I was aware that what I was seeing was not real. I watched the glass more intently, I made it crack again and again, shards of glass started to fall from above me as I watched, I froze the falling glass, I rewound it watching it fit back perfectly into the panel, and then again I cracked it, I watched it fall. Dagger like pieces of glass fell down upon me, I watched knowing it not to be real, until one large pointed piece fell to my stomach and impaled itself deep into my belly! The pain was immense, I doubled over clutching my stomach, hot sticky blood poured through my fingers, I threw up.
I came round a little while later and my first thought was to my wound, it didn't exist, there was nothing there, I looked up to the glass panel, intact and in place within the door. I slowly got to my feet and stumbled through the door, A light shone through the kitchen window hurting my eyes, I heard talking. Outside were my friends, they looked pissed off with me, "are you gonna behave now Nick?"
........................."What d'ya mean? what's going on?"
"Fuck, you don't remember a thing do you?!"
"remember what?"
"You fucking attacked me!"
"what?!?"
"we got here, started making a spliff and you pulled out your flick knife"
my knife? I felt in my pocket where it had been, it was gone. It was a pocket side opening flick knife, its handle made encased in green glass with a golden dragon embedded within it.
"I had to hit you man, I threw the knife into that bunch of nettles over there, then you started going beserk, throwing things around, you ripped up the box of fire lighters and smashed a bottle before you passed out!"
I felt so confused, some of what he was saying made sense of what little I remembered, the rest I knew nothing about, my mind was a blank.
"Listen mate, we're off, we didn't know what to do with you, you've thrown up everywhere! We nearly left you here"
"fuck" that was about all I could say, all I could think.
"I got to get home man"
I could not make sense of where I was, where I lived, what day it was, what time it was. There was a vague light from a street light overhanging the rear of the house.
"C'mon, I'll walk you round to the taxi rank if you want?"
"Ok, thanks"
I felt so ill, I felt cold and dirty and all I could smell was the firelighters I'd crushed in my hands. I got to the taxi and somehow managed to tell the driver where I lived. The journey was quite short, maybe ten minutes or so. Leading to the hotel where I lived was a lane splitting a woods whose trees reached across, finger like branches entwined above forming a living tunnel. At the far end I could see home, safety. The driver dropped me here at the main road, somehow I'd managed to give him enough money to satisfy his fare. I stood and looked through the dark tunnel for a while before starting the walk, slowly, noises all around me in the woods brought my senses to life, the hair on my arms and the back of my neck stood up, I was really getting freaked out. I looked ahead, "concentrate on the light at the end" I thought. At the half way point I'd had enough and bolted for the front door, the noises around me seemed to grow louder and louder as if I was being chased.
I reached the door, it was open.
I went inside and turned and bolted the door, I was in the porch entrance which lead to the lobby. I sat down and tried to get a grip of my runaway mind. "I'm tripping, it's the acid, it's all in my mind, I can control this!"
// posted by nx @ 10:28 AM 
